Shy readers, if you’ve read past the title of this post chances are
you’re not that shy, so welcome to Club Dirtball; there is no cover
charge and the champagne is free (and there’s no shame in leaving early;
the exit is over there, next to the kinky sex tutorial).
Many of the women I know like to be dominated in bed. And that doesn’t
mean just handcuffs and doggy-style; they just prefer him in charge.
Fine. But I also know a great deal of women who like to be the ones
directing traffic, and guys who love it when they do. If you’re one of
these women, or the former, and you just believe variety is the spice of
life and want to try switching it up, these 10 ways to take control in
bed could help.
1. Undress him slowly
There is a noise the button on the fly of a Levi's 501 jean makes when it pops open. It is the sexiest noise on the planet. When you’re horny, it’s as tantalizing as the “phssst” noise opening a can of soda makes when you’re thirsty. Make him hear every single pop. Or each tooth of his zipper unfasten. He should be able to count his belt loops by how slowly you de-thread his belt through each one. And on and on. The slow undress will leave him at your mercy. It says: “I’m taking my time. And by that I mean we’re taking our time.”
2. Undress him quickly
Rip those pants down like he’s your virgin prom date and he’s about to get it. Maybe even leave them on, in a heap around his ankles, as you take him in your mouth. Rip his shirt off. Or better yet, tell him, “get that shirt off” while you work on the pants. This tactic, what’s known as the “assault deshabiller” in the French foreign legion is an opposite, but equally effective way to let him know you’re in charge as number one. He’ll be like “Whoa! What’s happening here? Guess I better go along with it before I get…”
3. Spank him
Who says your butt is the only one that needs some firm, loving, open-palmed attention. Get him alert with a quick smack (and maybe a squeeze) on his naughty butt. It will make him prick up and take notice. And his shock will leave him open to a friendly shove on to the bed that says “it’s go time.”
4. Hair-pulling
Use it as a lever, use it to balance, use it to just let him know he’s doing the right things. Whichever way you choose to use it, grabbing some fist-fulls of his mighty mane, while he’s on top, or while going down on you, is a way to tell him that you’ll be guiding things, thank you very much.
5. Dictator talk
This is like dirty talk, but a lot less “Yeah, you know I love it when you….” And a lot more “Get your big ________ in my tight _______ right now. Do it!” And “Eat my_____” “You know how I like it!” It’s all imperatives. Lets him know that the sexy train will be running on time, and that you are the conductor.
6. Be naked
A precursor to dictator talk and hair-pulling, is to be naked when he shows up. It’s is the subtlest of all the ways you take charge. Without a word, or a single action towards him, you’re letting him know that it is time to enjoy the pleasures of your body. Maybe you have some candles lit; maybe you’ve “just gotten out of the shower,” maybe you’re wearing a fun spy coat with nothing underneath. It’s up to you.
7. Tie him up
This is so much easier than it sounds. You don’t need to have sailed as a kid, and you don’t need a book on ropes. If you’re at the point where you really want to restrain each other so there’s no chance of movement then yes, there are some knots and materials that will work better than others, but if you’re just looking to take charge for some Me-First sex play, you can use one of his old ties, or even a bandana. The key is in how you tell him what’s happening. You can either order him to put his hands behind his back, or on top of his head, or try purring the same directions in his ear, and then tying him up nice and slowly before you have your way with him.
8. Orgasm teasing
This is more for people in relationships or having very regular sex with the same person; and that’s not a judgment, you just need to have excellent radar for when your guy is going to come. When a man gets to this point, that's when he's most vulnerable. The longer you teeter him on that edge, the more tantlaizing your requests and actions will become. If you’re giving him a blow job, or handjob, try moving your mouth off his head, and keeping your hand gestures/pumps at the very base of his shaft, where it’s least sensitive. If you’re having sex and you’re on top, try moving as slow as humanly possible, or even not moving your body at all (or letting him move his) and letting your interior muscles do the only work.
9. Biting
Ariane covered this really well, and step-by-step in her post last week. Going after your guy like a hungry badger is a great way to put his off his regular game, and let him know that he’s dealing with a fierce little wood creature, not some passive little lamb.
10. Touching yourself
My friends and I all love it when a woman has the confidence and wherewithal to pleasure herself in front of us. Incorporating masturbation, be it with your hands, a vibrator, butt plug, dildo or whatever other toy you happen to fancy, is not only incredibly erotic (for him to watch), but can be a psychologically powerful sentiment: I am here for me; you are welcome to join and add, but here I am, getting off.
source: http://goo.gl/9r0zNt
1. Undress him slowly
There is a noise the button on the fly of a Levi's 501 jean makes when it pops open. It is the sexiest noise on the planet. When you’re horny, it’s as tantalizing as the “phssst” noise opening a can of soda makes when you’re thirsty. Make him hear every single pop. Or each tooth of his zipper unfasten. He should be able to count his belt loops by how slowly you de-thread his belt through each one. And on and on. The slow undress will leave him at your mercy. It says: “I’m taking my time. And by that I mean we’re taking our time.”
2. Undress him quickly
Rip those pants down like he’s your virgin prom date and he’s about to get it. Maybe even leave them on, in a heap around his ankles, as you take him in your mouth. Rip his shirt off. Or better yet, tell him, “get that shirt off” while you work on the pants. This tactic, what’s known as the “assault deshabiller” in the French foreign legion is an opposite, but equally effective way to let him know you’re in charge as number one. He’ll be like “Whoa! What’s happening here? Guess I better go along with it before I get…”
3. Spank him
Who says your butt is the only one that needs some firm, loving, open-palmed attention. Get him alert with a quick smack (and maybe a squeeze) on his naughty butt. It will make him prick up and take notice. And his shock will leave him open to a friendly shove on to the bed that says “it’s go time.”
4. Hair-pulling
Use it as a lever, use it to balance, use it to just let him know he’s doing the right things. Whichever way you choose to use it, grabbing some fist-fulls of his mighty mane, while he’s on top, or while going down on you, is a way to tell him that you’ll be guiding things, thank you very much.
5. Dictator talk
This is like dirty talk, but a lot less “Yeah, you know I love it when you….” And a lot more “Get your big ________ in my tight _______ right now. Do it!” And “Eat my_____” “You know how I like it!” It’s all imperatives. Lets him know that the sexy train will be running on time, and that you are the conductor.
6. Be naked
A precursor to dictator talk and hair-pulling, is to be naked when he shows up. It’s is the subtlest of all the ways you take charge. Without a word, or a single action towards him, you’re letting him know that it is time to enjoy the pleasures of your body. Maybe you have some candles lit; maybe you’ve “just gotten out of the shower,” maybe you’re wearing a fun spy coat with nothing underneath. It’s up to you.
7. Tie him up
This is so much easier than it sounds. You don’t need to have sailed as a kid, and you don’t need a book on ropes. If you’re at the point where you really want to restrain each other so there’s no chance of movement then yes, there are some knots and materials that will work better than others, but if you’re just looking to take charge for some Me-First sex play, you can use one of his old ties, or even a bandana. The key is in how you tell him what’s happening. You can either order him to put his hands behind his back, or on top of his head, or try purring the same directions in his ear, and then tying him up nice and slowly before you have your way with him.
8. Orgasm teasing
This is more for people in relationships or having very regular sex with the same person; and that’s not a judgment, you just need to have excellent radar for when your guy is going to come. When a man gets to this point, that's when he's most vulnerable. The longer you teeter him on that edge, the more tantlaizing your requests and actions will become. If you’re giving him a blow job, or handjob, try moving your mouth off his head, and keeping your hand gestures/pumps at the very base of his shaft, where it’s least sensitive. If you’re having sex and you’re on top, try moving as slow as humanly possible, or even not moving your body at all (or letting him move his) and letting your interior muscles do the only work.
9. Biting
Ariane covered this really well, and step-by-step in her post last week. Going after your guy like a hungry badger is a great way to put his off his regular game, and let him know that he’s dealing with a fierce little wood creature, not some passive little lamb.
10. Touching yourself
My friends and I all love it when a woman has the confidence and wherewithal to pleasure herself in front of us. Incorporating masturbation, be it with your hands, a vibrator, butt plug, dildo or whatever other toy you happen to fancy, is not only incredibly erotic (for him to watch), but can be a psychologically powerful sentiment: I am here for me; you are welcome to join and add, but here I am, getting off.
source: http://goo.gl/9r0zNt
